Our Gay Sexting Guide: For Beginners to Seasoned Pros

Sexting may be super common, but that doesn’t mean it comes naturally to people. But don’t worry — we’re here to be your gay sexting fairy godparents! We’ve got a complete guide, guaranteed to help anyone from total beginners to seasoned professionals can use to take their gay sexting game to the next level. 

We’ll walk you through how to get more comfortable with yourself, compose the perfect sext, and use sexting as a form of foreplay.

What Is Gay Sexting?

Sexting is universal — if you have a body and are sexually attracted to other people, you can sext! Sexting is also universal and accessible. If you have problems with dexterity or are visually impaired, you can even use speak-to-text! 

Really, there is very little difference between sexting and gay sexting other than who is writing the sexts and who receives them. We’re specifying that this is an article about gay sexting because we’re going to give you targeted advice on how to text someone with a male body. 

But honestly? You could use these tips and tricks to sext anyone with a little adaptation. 

Research has shown that gay men (especially young gay men) sext at a higher rate than many other populations. Many people believe this is because gay men have a higher level of self-confidence than other groups — after all, what would Grindr be without all those hot selfies? 

Tip #1: Get Comfortable With Your Own Body

The best sexting comes from being comfortable with yourself, knowing what you like (and don’t like), and feeling safe to express yourself openly with your partner. But you’re not just going to wake up one morning and — voila — suddenly feel extra self-confident and self-assured. 

Getting to a place where you love yourself takes time and work, but it’s well worth all the emotional labor. We want to reassure you that you don’t need the perfect body to be worthy of love or pleasure. 

As long as you love what you look like and feel confident showing it off, other people will love it too. We’re a thousand times harder on ourselves than anyone else would imagine! Once you learn to love yourself, it gets easier to let other people love you, too (physically and emotionally). 

Unfortunately, there’s no easy or quick way to get comfortable with yourself. Start with little steps, like making a conscious effort not to compare yourself to others. Mindfulness meditation can also be helpful, as can therapy if your issues are persistent or come from a deeper place. 

You deserve to love yourself and see yourself how others see you, and it will definitely make your sex life a whole lot hotter.

Tip #2: Start Slow

Okay, let’s start by setting the scene. You’re home alone. You’re turned on. You’re lying in bed with your junk in your hand, snap a picture, and send it to your man with a lengthy description of what you plan on doing to them when they get home. 

Sounds pretty hot, right? It definitely can be, but it can also go super wrong really quickly. 

For one, before you send even a mild sext, you’ve got to get consent. You never know their current situation or who has their phone, so always ask before you fire off that sext (you’d hate for their boss or mother to see it, right?). 

Consent is just as crucial in digital situations as it is for physical intimacy, so just a quick “hey, are you at a place where you can sext?” works great. It’s also a good idea to ask your partner how they feel about sexting before testing the waters. Some people really aren’t into it at all, and you don’t want to go all in if it’s just going to upset someone. 

Take some time to talk honestly about their preferences, boundaries, and how far they’re okay taking things. Share yours, too! Then make sure you consider them all when crafting the perfect dirty text (or find other ways to connect if they’re a “hard pass”). 

Plus, while a little hot and heavy, just fully going-at-it sex is fun every once in a while, sex is usually much more fun when you start with some foreplay. Begin slowly, with some teasing and seduction, to build the anticipation and ultimately make everything a lot hotter. 

Try starting vague, then get more and more specific as you both get more into it. Make them beg for it. 

Tip #3: You Don’t Have To Use “Dirty” Words

For some people, word choice is their biggest stumbling block to gay sexting. Sure, the words we use to describe things vary from person to person, but some people don’t feel comfortable using some of the “dirtier” words. 

But don’t worry — using those words isn’t necessary for sexting! While stepping out of your comfort zone every once in a while is a good thing, you will have a much more fun time sexting if you’re comfortable with what you’re saying. 

Depending on the vibes you’re going for, sexting can be a lot more effective if you describe what you’re going to do in more romantic terms — “I can’t wait to wrap my arms around you and kiss your neck” can be infinitely sexier in certain situations. 

That’s not to say there’s not a time and place for those dirty, vulgar words. Once you get going, feel free to throw in whatever words you’re comfortable with (as long as they don’t cross any of your partner’s boundaries). 

Plus, once you’ve gotten some practice with sexting your partner, you may be able to branch out and use some of the more graphic sexual words! But remember, being comfortable with who you are is the sexiest thing of all. 

Tip #4: Stick With What You Know and Like

Just like using words you’re comfortable with, gay sexting is hotter (and easier) if you stick with scenarios you know you enjoy. Remember, especially if you’re sexting with someone you are intimate with (or plan to be intimate with in the future) in real life, you don’t want to make promises through text that you aren’t willing to do in person. 

Plus, it’s much easier to describe sex acts and feelings you’ve experienced in real life. What does it feel to have a penis gliding in and out of your mouth? What positions do you think are the hottest? Tell your partner in detail what you like about it and how it feels, especially if you’re touching yourself while you’re sexting them. 

Sharing what you like can also help you connect with your partner on a deeper level. It can be hard to talk openly about what you like or want your partner to do to you in person, and having that slight separation can make it just a little easier. After all, you can’t get what you don’t ask for!

Tip #5: Ask Your Partner What They Like

Like a physical, sexual encounter, good sexting can’t just be about one person. Imagine if you had sex with someone who didn’t care what felt good or worked for you and focused only on what turned them on and got them off. That wouldn’t be very satisfying, right? 

Quality gay sexting is the same way. You can’t just bombard them with a bunch of sexts and pictures about what you want to do without taking their wants and needs into account (well, you can, but you likely wouldn’t be in a relationship or situationship with them for very long). 

That’s part of why it’s crucial to start any sexting relationship out by having a long, open conversation with your partner about their boundaries and what they are and aren’t into. Again, consent is key!

Turning your partner on by describing what you like is hot, but turning them on by taking their specific kinks, fetishes, and sexual preferences into account is even hotter. When in doubt, ask! Even if you’re unsure, hitting them with a “you like that?” or “tell me what you want to do to me/me to do to you” can give you a little insight and spark some creativity.

Tip #6: Inflate Their Ego

Listen — who doesn’t like to hear they're hot? Whether or not you believe it yourself, having someone tell you that your body is sexy is a major turn-on. 

Focus on the parts of your sexting partner’s body that arouse you the most. Tell your partner what you like about their body, and don’t be afraid to get explicit (if that’s your vibe). 

Also, throw their name in there every once in a while, especially when you’re getting ready to blow. There’s nothing hotter than having someone say your name when they’re having an orgasm — it’s incredibly personal and validating. 

You could even send them a short video clip of you during that moment (with their consent, of course).

Tip #7: Don’t Be Afraid To Use Emojis

Ah, the eggplant emoji. Is there a sexier emoji out there? We don’t think so! While your sexting should be primarily descriptive words, throwing in an emoji every once in a while can add a little extra flavor to your encounter. 

Look through the options and see if you can find any new ones to help you out or stick with the old standards, like raindrops and the peach. 

Tip #8: Get Turned On!

Sure, a lot of gay sexting is about creative fiction. But it’s much easier to be creative and sexual if you’re actually turned on yourself! Set the scene for yourself just like you would if you had a partner over — put on your sexiest sheets, have a drink, turn on your favorite music, and break out your favorite sexual helpers. 

If you’re in the mood, it will inspire you to find the words you need to get your partner just as turned on. 

A Few Examples

We understand that starting sexting can be super awkward if you’re new to it. We didn’t want to leave you high and dry, so we’ve got a few examples for you (once you have your partner’s consent, of course). 

We’ll break them down into a few categories so you can pick and choose which ones work best for you — combining them can help you really get into it, then your creativity will kick in, and you’ll know where to go from there.

Complimentary Sexts 

• God, you’re so hot.
• You’re so handsome.
• I can’t stop thinking about you.
• Your eyes (or any other body part you’re into) are so perfect.
• I’m so hard thinking about you.
• I’m so lucky to call you mine (get to touch you, etc.) 

The Tell Him What You’re Doing Sexts

• You’ve got me so horny right now.
• I’m touching myself right now.
• I just got done taking a shower, and I’m dripping wet. Wanna see?
• I’m thinking about what you look like on your knees (in front of me, on your back, etc.)
• I’m laying in bed, stroking myself, thinking about what you feel like against me.

Anticipatory Sexts

• As soon as you get here, I’m going to take all of your clothes off.
• I can’t wait to get my hands (mouth) on you.
• I’m so hard thinking about the things I’m going to do to you later (be specific!)
• I’m going to get you off at least twice tonight.
• I’m going to make you feel so good later.

Topping Sexts

• Be a good boy and suck me.
• Tell me what you want me to do to you.
• Beg for me.
• Tell me what you’re doing right now.
• Show me how hard I make you.

Bottoming Sexts

• I’ve been really bad, and I need to be punished.
• I think I need to be taught a lesson.
• When you come over, I’ll let you do whatever you want to me.
• Tell me I’m a bad boy.
• I’m your naughty boy.

Sexual Fantasy Sexts

• Tell me what you’ve been thinking about.
• I’ve always wanted to tie you up and take advantage of you.
• Tell me about your ultimate fantasy.
• I want to make your dreams come true — tell me what you want.
• Are you open to trying a new position (sex toy, sex act, etc.)?

Reflecting On Your Previous Encounters Sexts

• I still get so hot thinking about how you looked last night.
• Remember when you (insert sexual memory here)? That was so hot.
• You looked so sexy the last time you let me hit it from behind.
• Tell me what you liked the most about last night.
• What was your favorite part about the last time we were together?

How To Take a Good Sexy Picture To Supplement Your Sexting

Sexts are sexts — they’re hot, descriptive, and leave plenty of room for a lot of creativity. But if you really want to up your game, attach a sexy picture! 

But you can’t just take any old picture and use it — shooting a naked selfie in your bathroom mirror may be convenient, but it’s been done (and it’s kind of lazy). But don’t worry; we’ve got some tips and tricks to help you take the hottest, sexiest picture ever.

Tip #1: It’s Not Just About Your Penis

We know the quintessential sexy picture is the ubiquitous “dick pic.” It doesn’t matter your gender or sexual orientation; you’ve probably gotten an unsolicited photo of someone’s penis at some point in your life. 

Even solicited, there’s so much more to include in your photoshoot than just that single part of your anatomy. Sure, you can get there, but make that part of the tease. 

Try to focus on the parts of your body that you really love! Take a picture of that sexy V muscle or your pecs, or include your penis in an angled full-body shot. What part of your body is your favorite? Be creative! 

Tip #2: You Don’t Have To Be Fully Naked

While men may not have the same kinds of sexy lingerie that women have (which is a huge shame, in our opinion), there are still plenty of ways to take a sexy picture without being totally naked if that’s your vibe. 

What is your man into? Incorporate that into your selfies! Wear a jock strap or your partner’s favorite jersey. 

You can even wear their favorite shirt and a pair of boxer briefs. There’s nothing wrong with a little subtlety — you can even perform a sexy strip tease with a whole series of hot pictures. 

Tip #3: Break Out the Sexual Aides

If you’re really getting rowdy and are feeling yourself, why not keep the fun going by breaking out the sexual aides and including them in your shot? While it may not be super easy to contort yourself into the positions needed to get a good, creative picture, it’s worth giving it a try. 

You can even take short videos of you working yourself with your prostate massager. This is a perfect time to try a mirror picture in a more unique way — just make sure you clean it first!

Remember, Before You Send That Gay Sext, Make Sure You Trust Them

We’ve all fired off a sext or sent a hot picture to someone on a whim, only to break up or have it otherwise not work out. What happens to that picture? While the right thing for them to do would be to delete everything, it doesn’t always work that way. 

Be sure that you trust the person you’re sending sexts to (especially if you include any sexy shots you can be easily identified in). And, as a quick reminder, revenge porn (sharing photos of your exes without their permission) is illegal in almost every state. 

How To Use Gay Sexting As Foreplay

While gay sexting can be the main event, it can also work as a super hot form of foreplay. The difference is in what you include in your texts. 

When you’re sexting to sext, you’re going through the entire sexual encounter from start to finish. You’ll start slow, build up, then blow your load throughout a single set of sexts. 

When you use your sexting as a form of foreplay, you’ll want to approach it in a slightly more nuanced way. Think about what you like when you’re getting down and dirty with someone. 

It’s about finesse, building arousal, and taking your time exploring each other’s bodies. Instead of jumping right into pounding each other, you’re going to focus on talking about all the stuff you want to do to them leading up to that.

This is the perfect time to focus on describing in as much detail as possible what you want to do with your mouth — and we mean detail. Talk about what you love about their body and how you want to use yours to bring him pleasure. 

Tell him about how turned on you are and what you’re doing to yourself thinking about them. A few hot pictures (play coy — you don’t want to spoil all of the surprise) can also up the ante, especially if you include any sexual aids you’ll be using when he gets there. 

Then, when he gets there, you’re both already turned on and ready to go. 

In Summary

Gay sexting can be hot as foreplay or the main event, especially if you’ve read through our tips and tricks. Getting comfortable with your body, sticking with what you know (and what you’re willing to follow through with in person), and ensuring you have their consent before sending anything can make every sexting expedition a super hot success. 

GIDDI is excited and honored to get to be a part of your intimacy, whether you’re exploring yourself or playing with a partner.

Sources:

Sexting among young men who have sex with men: Results from a National Survey | PMC

Digital Consent, Boundaries, and Everyday Consent Online | National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC)

An Update on the Legal Landscape of Revenge Porn | NAAG